Guest Book Review – “I wish people knew what life was like for a survivor”: Rachael Denhollander releases book

Below is an article written by a friend of mine, Carolina Lumetta. She is a gifted writer and I wanted to be able to reproduce an article she wrote for her college newspaper, The Wheaton Record. Photos have been added by me. Our site is focused on apologetics but we cannot overlook the fact that apologetics is not only a Christian’s response to challenges to their faith but it flows from how a Christian acts. The article does cover Ms. Denhollander’s new book so we’re still in the same vein of suggesting books to you concerning the implications of the Christian worldview. We hope you enjoy the Denhollander book review and thank you once to Carolina!

“I wish people knew what life was like for a survivor”: Rachael Denhollander releases book

by Carolina Lumetta

This review was originally published by The Wheaton Record on 09/13/2019

In September 2016, a team of three reporters from the Indianapolis Star published an article on their investigation of Larry Nassar, a former doctor for USA Gymnastics and Michigan State University (MSU) who was accused of sexual abuse. The reporters’ material was largely drawn from the testimony of a woman named Rachael Denhollander, who was one of the most prominent voices in Nassar’s subsequent trial. Nassar had abused Denhollander when she was a teenager under the guise of medical treatment and hid his actions from her mother who was also in the exam room. In the years following the article, hundreds of women joined Denhollander to testify against Nassar, who was convicted of third degree assault, criminal sexual misconduct and possessing child pornography. Nassar’s conviction was largely due to Denhollander’s relentless fight.

Denhollander’s new book, “What is a Girl Worth?”, gives a behind-the-scenes account of Nassar’s trials. Page after page, Denhollander responds to the various misconceptions about sexual assault she experienced on a daily basis: Why didn’t you say something sooner? Because nobody would listen. How could this happen with a parent in the room? Predators are skilled. Aren’t you just accusing people for money or fame by speaking out? Reliving her most painful memories, Denhollander contends, is not a power grab but an act of love that she hopes will comfort victims of abuse.

The book exposes the faulty ways the church and fellow Christians respond to survivors. In Denhollander’s experience, most Christians focused on what she had to do following the abuse. They talked about finding the good in what happened or in praying against bitterness. “Whenever anyone at church talked about injustice in the world, it was almost always to emphasize how wrong it was to be angry, bitter or unforgiving, as if not being those things was the cure for pain,” she writes. “I knew all the verses about God bringing beauty from ashes, but I also knew that idea was used far too often like a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.” Offering such answers, even if they were well-meant, drastically minimizes the pain she felt. Victims, she argues, feel burdened to fix themselves, and these burdens create more pressure than anyone should have to carry. Denhollander uses her experiences with uninformed Christians to call on fellow Christians to be loving, hate sin and avoid quoting verses out of context to put the responsibility on the victim.

Denhollander is not content with the answers provided by other religions, either. “Every other religion and deity … relied on some form of doing enough good things to outweigh the bad … But that’s not justice,” she writes. No amount of good deeds could remove Denhollander’s nightmares. She explains that despite the evil of sexual abuse, Christianity has a better solution: the fact that God is love. “Justice, all by itself, felt hopeless because there is nothing we can do to escape it. But I had to admit that God also loves, and he showed it when Christ chose to take on himself the justice we deserve — not erasing what we’ve done, but paying for it. That’s a pretty crucial difference,” she writes.

Her biggest comfort in her season of recovery came from journaling what she knew to be true. She wrote, “There is right and wrong. There is a God who defines good and evil … God is just.” While Christian readers can sympathize with Denhollander’s search for peace, unbelievers have an inside look at the heart of the gospel. Even when people abuse God’s order and create pain, God is still just. According to Denhollander, this truth provides the comfort lacking in platitudes shared by well-meaning friends.

Another assumption Denhollander fights against is the confusion when a survivor doesn’t report abuse until long after it has happened. She writes, “I wished people understood the realities of what life was like for a survivor.” We all have an innate response to danger: fight or flight. Denhollander adds a third response: freeze. She reveals, “I know what freezing in fear is now. It’s when you’re so confused and ashamed and horrified and scared that you just … shut down, because reality is incomprehensible.” This feeling built on Denhollander’s fear of giving her trust to anyone else. She also began withholding herself from relationships. “If I hadn’t trusted these men enough to let them close, if I hadn’t trusted enough to believe they wouldn’t hurt me, it never would have happened,” she says. “If they hadn’t known I trusted, they never would have done it. It’s my fault. I gave them the power to damage me when I gave them my trust,” she thought.

Her life after abuse is drastically different. “Everything that would ordinarily lay the foundation for any sort of friendship … had been wielded to facilitate violations at the deepest level,” Denhollander explains. Group pictures provided too many opportunities for someone to grope her, so how could she gladly participate? Quick side hugs are normal between friends, but what if the situation became worse? Simply walking into an elevator became cause for a panic attack.

Some attacked Denhollander for pursuing fame and money under the umbrella of justice. As readers learn more about Denhollander’s struggles, she describes all the hurt that rehashing the past awakened during Nassar’s trial. Someone asked Denhollander what she wanted to achieve by accusing Nassar. She replied, “I had to reach a place where my identity and healing weren’t bound up in anything else I get here. I can’t be dependent on how this [trial] ends; I can only be faithful.”

In fact, what Denhollander accomplished by her courageous testimony is still being defined. Nassar will never leave prison. MSU has paid over $500 million in settlements. The university’s administration is still dealing with the aftermath of rampant abuse on campus. Survivors had never before been given a voice to the extent that Nassar’s court case allowed. Denhollander continues to advocate for survivors of abuse and has spoken openly about sexual abuse scandals in the church. She concludes her book by looking to the work yet to be completed: “Consider this your invitation to join in that work. To do what is right, no matter the cost … To define your success by faithfulness in the choices you make. The darkness is there, and we cannot ignore it. But we can let it point us to the light.”

How can Wheaton respond to this? First, read Denhollander’s book. Expand your understanding of the impact of sexual change. Know how to love survivors with the same love Christ offers us. Advocate for survivors whose voices are being stifled. There are many practical ways to enact justice even in our college community. We can gather round our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for them and struggle with them. What happened in Nassar’s case was a series of negligence and passivity that we can actively work against to create a campus atmosphere of protection and love. How much is a girl, or guy, worth? Denhollander answers that survivors are worth everything we have to offer.

If you have been sexually harassed or threatened, know that there is help available to you. The National Sexual Assault Hotline exists to provide resources to individuals who have been sexually mistreated. Call 1-800-656-4673 to talk to a trained staff member experienced in counseling who can provide a confidential, listening ear and point you to local medical and legal resources.

Sources: “What Is A Girl Worth: My story of breaking the silence and exposing the truth about Larry Nassar and USA gymnastics” by Rachael Denhollander

https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/05/us/larry-nassar-michigan-state-fine/index.html

https://www.sbnation.com/2018/1/19/16900674/larry-nassar-abuse-timeline-usa-gymnastics-michigan-state